


Fooling Around

by ChucklesCPfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: April Fools' Day, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 01:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6401770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChucklesCPfic/pseuds/ChucklesCPfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom's April Fool's Day prank goes awry. (Written March 2016)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fooling Around

I knew it! I just knew it! I just _knew_ things would go wrong!

It didn't stop me, though, did it? Oh, no. Nothing ever stops _me._ I just rush in where no mere mortal would ever dare to tread. And usually with the same result. Time after time I end up in trouble, and today is no different.

Just what the hell's Chakotay's reaction gonna be _this_ time?

I blame Harry for this one, though. If only he'd been where he was supposed to be.... If only he hadn't changed his mind at the last minute....

Shit! Chakotay's gonna kill me!

How was I to know that he'd be where Harry was supposed to be? It wasn't my fault. He should have still been on duty, not prowling around the cargo bay. Fuck! He's bound to know it was me who set up the holo-emitters there. Not much chance of denying it really, not when one of the characters being projected was... me. And my bio-signature's gonna be all over everything. He's sure to have scanned the place.

It was meant to be a joke. A prank for April Fool's Day. For Harry.

He's been teasing me for years, so I thought it was time to pay him back. I thought I'd confront him with what he keeps telling me he just can't envisage. I thought the cargo bay would be the perfect place, where what was happening would be taken as real. There's usually no one down there....

Except today, there was. And not just anybody, either. Oh, no. It just happened to be the other star of my production, didn't it? The one who commed me a few minutes ago and told me to meet him in his office because he wanted to... talk... to me. Yeah, right. I doubt talking's what he really wants to do. He's probably got his boxing gloves on ready for my arrival. He's gonna beat me to a pulp!

I wonder what the chances are of me catching some infectious disease before I make it to his office? The Doc would have to quarantine me then and he wouldn't let anyone into sickbay. I could probably hide out there for three or four weeks, at least. 

It's always possible that I could break my leg or something along the way, of course.... 

Doubt that'd stop him, though. He'd just wait for the Doc to fix me up, then break it for me all over again!

Oh, shit! What the hell am I gonna say to him? He's not gonna take it as a joke, that's for sure. No way is he gonna find it funny. 

Actually, Harry probably wouldn't have found it funny either. I went for shock value rather than laughs, after all. And if it would've shocked Harry, what the hell kind of reaction did it give Chakotay? He must be livid!

Maybe the turbolift I'm in will get stuck. That happens occasionally. Could I be that lucky?

Stupid question, really. I'm never lucky. What luck I do get is always of the bad variety. I'm like some kind of bad luck magnet. I attract every bit going.

Talking of going... the lift isn't. It's stopped. The doors are opening....

Hell!

My legs aren't going either. I think I'm paralysed. Not that I actually want to leave the lift. It's kinda nice in here. Safe. Maybe someone else will call it before I get out. That'd give me a few more minutes to live....

Uh oh. There's Tuvok. He's holding the door open for me.... It always fascinates me just how much he manages to say with one raised eyebrow. This one seems to be saying 'Get the fuck out. And hurry up about it!'

Suppose I'll have to comply. That Vulcan does a really mean nerve pinch.

Okay, so I'm out of the lift.... I feel a bit light-headed now. Maybe I actually am sickening for something. I can hope so, anyway. Maybe one of those half dozen people staring at me will call for an emergency medical transport....

Nah. Like I said, bad luck magnet, that's me. They'd just stretcher me to Chakotay's office instead, thinking I'd had a breakdown or something and needed counselling.

I wonder if anyone around here's got a paper bag.... I seem to be hyperventilating. I think I'm going into shock. I wonder if Chakotay went into shock when he saw that scene.... I suppose I'll find out in a minute, my traitorous legs have carried me to his door. 

Oh, fuck!

My hand's shaking. I don't think I'll be able to press the chime. Oh, wait... I'm not gonna need to. The door's sliding open on it's own. I'll have to get B'Elanna to check on that. Maybe she can fix it so it never opens again. Maybe I'll get her to do it while Chakotay's inside. She could fix the transporter, too, so nobody could beam him out.....

“Paris? Get in here.”

I wonder if Chakotay's part wolf. He certainly growls like one. Kinda bares his teeth at me quite often, too. He's prowling around his office now, just staring at me. You know that saying 'If looks could kill'? Well, the way he's glowering at me now, I should've been dead while I was still in the corridor.

“So, it seems you had some free time on your hands today, Paris.”

Well, yeah, of course I did. You gave me the fucking day off! 

Um, maybe that's not the best way to talk to him.... Maybe I shouldn't talk at all. Maybe I could pretend I've been suddenly struck dumb....

Dumb. Hmm. That certainly describes what I did in the cargo bay....

“Playing with sensitive equipment?”

Err... is he talking about the holo-emitters or the scene they were projecting? Maybe he'll make it clear in a minute.

“Using the cargo bay without permission?”

Of course I was. As if you'd have given me your permission.... The only thing you'd probably give me permission for would be to space myself. Actually, spacing myself doesn't sound too bad right now.... 

I wonder what he'd do if I tried to make a run for it? 

“Creating holograms of crew members? Senior crew members, at that. Also without permission.”

Yeah. I could just imagine me asking you permission for _that._ Hi, Chakotay. Mind if I use your image for a prank? Nothing too bad – just a little sex scene.... You'd have agreed to that instantly, wouldn't you? Yes, of course you would – in my dreams!

“Creating totally unrealistic scenes?”

Unrealistic? You're bothered about that? Why are you coming closer? Can't you see you're making me nervous? You're the ship's counsellor; you're not meant to make people nervous! I'd step backwards if I wasn't already pressed against the wall....

“Do you really see me as a bottom, Paris?”

Um. No, actually.

“Want to find out?”

Yes. Yes, I do. How about now?

“Computer. Engage privacy lock.”

Er, I think I must've said that last little bit out loud....


End file.
